Third Lady

The former nude-model, current plagarism enthusiast, and future third ex-wife of an orange-fleshed, cornsilk-toupeed, short-fingered vulgarian who defied all laws of logic and physics to occupy the highest political office in the US despite his overt racism, misogyny, xenophobia, dishonesty, pro-rape stance, and general tackiness.

During the surreal presidential inauguration, it was hard to ignore the deer-in-the-headlights expression on the Third Lady's face as her glance darted back and forth between the throngs of screaming protesters and the repulsively tiny fingers on her husband's shrunken hand as it ceaselessly roamed her stepdaughter's backside, one child-sized finger focused on the very center of its target, attempting over and over again to break through the fabric barrier as if it were a parched desert traveler and its longed-for destination the last drop of water on earth.

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