vagopenis

(n). The orifice remains from which your penis resided pior to the cold and has receded into your torso as a penile defense mechanism.

Person 1. Bro, you got frozen piss on your pants and gloves.

Person 2. No shit! I had to piss, but I couldn't aim because I have a vagopenis from this fucking cold! I look like a toddler who suffered a horrific dog attack!