what the jesus?

Like saying "What the hell?" or "What the fuck?" with softer language. Used in response to a completely random or inappropriate comment.

>It burns when I pee.
>>What the Jesus?

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What would Jesus do?

A phrase used by over enthusiastic Christians when things go wrong, where they work out, what Jesus, son of God would do if he was in your situation, forgetting that they can't do anything that Jesus can do.

Guy: My wife ran away with Judd, I lost my job and now i can't feed my 5000 kids! What would Jesus do?!

Guy 2: Probably use his magic powers to smite the traitor and feed the 5000 kids with a loaf of bread and half a fish...

Guy: Awww shit...

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What the Jesus Christ man?!

Similar to "What the Jesus?" but used in times of immense anger where no other words can come to mind.

Example 1:

After being cut off at highspeed on the freeway:

"What the Jesus Christ man?!"

Example 2:

After one walks in to find a significant other cheating:

"Honey this is not what it looks like"

Reaching for gun:

"What the Jesus Christ man?!"

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That's what Jesus said

Clever retort applied where "That's what she said" could have been. Or even sometimes where it wouldn't be, the possibilities are endless.

"I'm just gonna hang around here for a while"

-"that's what Jesus said"

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