Whiskey Time-Machine

(Abstract/noun/adj/slg)- when you've spent so much of your life wasted on whiskey and alcoholic similes, you awaken one day to realize you are now 50 years old and your sweet children have grown to adulthood without your guidance or parental presence. No matter how bad you want to wind back the clock, the time machine has broken, and you are stuck in nightmare land.

Theorizing that one could time travel within his own lifetime, Sam Fukkit stepped into the whiskey time-machine accelerator... and vanished. Oh boy.