Wood Ape

A large seven foot or greater "big-foot" type creature who is typically heard making ape like calls in large forest areas of the north western area of the U.S. the wood ape is often just out of camera focus and is never clearly photographed. Some foot prints may or may not have been found if wood apes exist but if they do not exist then foot prints have not been found. Wood apes are notoriously elusive and are sometimes smelled from a distance, often described as a piece of shit wrapped in burnt hair.

Ezekiel: Dude big foot is fake!

Bryson: Dude no way, I've seen one, but it wasn't a big foot, it was a wood ape!

Ezekiel: Bring me some of its droppings or shut up!

Bryson: I have the droppings of someone who has seen a wood ape...

Ezekiel: ....Shut up!!!

11👍 1👎