You had to be there

A phrase used as an excuse after someone tells a story that's not funny at all.

Person A: "Isn't that hilarious?"
Person B: "No, I don't really get it."
Person A: "...You had to be there."

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You had to be there

"You had to be there" is a phrase that one often uses when someone asks about a situation/joke/piece of time.

Basically, it means that it's hard to actually explain what that situation was like and that the person who is asking had to be a part of the situation to understand.

TLDR; You should have been there

For example, when perhaps two of your friends have an inside joke without you, and you're curious as to what that inside joke means, and they tell you, "You had to be there" (meaning, you had to be around them at the time when the inside joke took place to truly understand it).

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Guess you had to be there

A response to a story told by someone else that is used to show that it might have been funny, but the way they tell it it doesn't sound funny at all.

Georges: "...and he was like "wait, we don't sell that here, nevermind!" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"
Geoff:(doesn't laugh) "Hmm, guess you had to be there."

you had one job

Response to failing to do the one and only thing you had to do. This is told, either in a disgusted, mocking, or angry tone to people, animals, inanimate objects, and anything else that fails to complete the simple task for which it was designed.
A way to express total fail, epic fail, especially when the one job was very simple.

To a cheap park bench that broke while I was sitting on it, "You had one job, park bench!"
To an accountant who was fired for inaccurate computing of business records. "You are supposed to be an accountant, right? You had one job, Sandy."
To a friend about my broken down car, "Damnit, it had one job!"

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I guess you had to be there

What you say when someone tells you something he thinks is hilarious but really isn't. You say this to avoid hurting your friend's feelings in breaking it to him that his joke sucks.

Dudeman 1: "Oh man, I was playing horseshoes in Red Dead Redemption and I got a really close throw and John was all like, 'Did you see that!' It was so funny dude!"

Dudeman 2: "I guess you had to be there."

Dudeman 1: :(

you had me at hello

A phrase that expresses affection, popularized by the movie Jerry Maguire. At the end of the movie, when Jerry expresses his love in a long-winded speech to Dorothy, Dorothy's reply was the simple phrase: "You had me at hello."

Jerry Maguire: I love you. You... complete me.
Dorothy: Shut up. Just shut up. You had me at "hello."

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you had me at hell no

a losers alibi that no means yes. usually reserved for guys who also say rape is when a woman changes her mind later. same dudes that say they like it when a chick puts up a fight and consider outright rejection 'a fight'

douche: so can i have your number?

hot chick: nah, i dont think thats a good idea

douche: so you wanna call me instead?

hot chick: wtf? of course not! why would you even think that? what do i have to tell you for you to understand that we dont work???

douche: well you had me at hell no

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