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To take an huge crap, the kind that makes your legs shake.
Andy: "Hey Bill, you in the toilet?"
Bill: "Yea, Im giving birth to a Marine."
Andy: "I thought I heard you screaming!" "Need some stitches???"
Restaurant in Amarillo Texas located East of town on I-40 that advertises on all the major Interstates hundreds of miles in all directions. Their claim to fame is a FREE 72 oz. steak dinner (if eaten in one hour). Meal includes 72 oz steak, shrimp cocktail, roll, and baked potato. If you are unable to eat it, the cost is like $50.00. Well worth getting one of your friends to try it and if he fails, pay the $50 for him. It's worth $50 to see someone try to shit 4.5 pounds of beef, right???
Kid #1: "Hey, lets eat there dad."
Kid #2: "Yes, yes, yes." "Yeaaaa Big Texan."
Dad: "Ok, ok kids, settle the hell down before I pull the goddamn car over."
Kid #1: "You hungry grandma?"
Grandma: "Well, as a matter of fact I'm famished little Johnny"
Kid #2: ...snicker...
Kid #1: "Hey, whats that smell dad?"
Dad: "Thats Amarillo son."
An hour later....
Kid #1: "Yea Grandma, you did it!"
Grandma "I dont feel to well kids."
Kid #2: "Just wait till tomorrow Grandma." "Your gonna have 4.5 lbs of beef hangin out your ass!!!!"
Kid #1: "Yea Grandma, It'll feel like a Big Texan was in there!"
Kid #1 and #2: "Ha ha ha ha."
Dad: Get in the car you little bastards!"
To fix something by cobbeling together. Not only is duct tape a mainstay in the southern engineers tool box, but so is bailing wire. Typical uses for the bailing wire are any applications where welding would normally be used.
Jethro: "Hey Jim-Bob, my muffler is draggin and causing all sorts of racket".
Jim-Bob: "Git you some of dat bailin wiar and tie er up".
Jethro: "Good idea Jim-Bob, where is it at?"
Jim-Bob: "Over yonder, in ma tool box, under the duct tape".
Jethro: "Thank god you went to the Po-dunk A & M community college in Stump Jumperville and got your GED on that Southern Engineer course"!
See also Snowman....When a male tucks his nuts and dick in between his legs. Squeeze your legs so one nut is on top of the other with the penis tip being the apple and trhe nuts being rather hairy kiwi fruits.
My girlfriend was yelling at me, so when she walked around the corner, I had a fruit basket waiting for her!
"She was complaining of a sore throat, so I doctored her up with some two-ball compound."
The poo stains left in your underware. Caused by not wiping your ass, not wiping your ass enough, or having a bubbler or shart in the middle of the day. The appearance is similar to the starting area of a drag racing strip, or the "wheels down" area on a runway.
Husband: Sweetie pie honey bunny, these underware are going to need some "special" attention.
Wife: My god, whats up with the racing stripe?
Husband: Had a bubbler after my Taco Bell lunch today.
The act of taking a shit. Has nothing to do with the smell or amount and consistancy of the material you are moving. It's just crapping.
Donna asked Kathleen to cover the phones while she was burning a mule.