McShits

What you get after eating too much McDonalds food

Me - Mate, I've got the McShits
Random person - Oh yeah? Too much McDonalds food?
Me - Exactly

Papa Lazarou

Character from The League of Gentlemen (Series 2), played by Reece Shearsmith. A mysterious individual who travels with 'Mama' Lazarou, 3 dwarves and a 7ft Scottish giant among others - Papa Lazarou's Pandemonium Carnival. Origin unknown (possibly French?), has a black face (painted, like a minstrel) and gravelly voice. Operates under the facade of a circus owner/door-to-door peg salesman but what he really does is "collect" (ie. steal) peoples wives - exact number unknown but thought to be in the hundreds. Often speaks in gibberish and sometimes disguises himself as "Keith" (Series 3) - who would strike most as being somewhat homosexual. Will ask for your wedding ring and if you give it to him, your fate is sealed! He will tell you "You're my wife now!" before sticking you in a cage with his other "wives" where you will be hosed down by the dwarves

Autom... sprow. Cana... tik bana! Sandwol... but no sera smee?

political correctness

Something I flatly refuse to conform to

What do you call a spade?

Average person: I call a 'spade' a 'spade'
PC dimwit: I call a 'spade' an 'excavation instrument'
Me: I call a 'spade' a 'fucking shovel'!!!