Suck On My Cock

"Suck On My Cock" is a satirical Christmas send-up, lyrics written by Pacific Northwest shock jock and prolific parodist Bob Rivers and based on the tune of the bestselling "Jingle Bell Rock" by Bobby Helms (1957).

With himself as singer, "Suck On My Cock" was released as part of a Rivers Christmastime satiric CD, and in 2007 as part of Rivers' CD "Rated X Max." Rivers' lyrics graphically recount in first-person the experience of receiving a full and complete act of fellatio by his (possibly) unwilling partner and makes ample use of "Jingle Bell Rock's" tune, multiple stanzas, choruses and chord changes.

The song is offensive, obscene, and politically incorrect but very funny to those who like no-holds-barred satire. It has been covered often in the ensuing years by Matt Rogers and other singers. Downloadable sung versions and lyrics are not difficult to find on the Internet, though good copies of the prior CD releases command a huge premium in the online used-disc market.

If live versions are included, it is hard to measure how high "Suck On My Cock" ranks in Rivers' ample songbook, but it appears to be shaping up as a "guilty" Christmas pleasure along with many of his other Yuletide parodies, such as "Walkin' Round in Women's Underwear" and "Chipmunks Roasting on an Open Fire."

Bob Rivers asserts that he still owns copyright to the lyrics.
.

-- "God, I couldn't believe it when the band began to play "Jingle Bell Rock" and the singer started off with 'Stroke on my, lick on my, suck on my cock..."

-- "Yeah, hardcore! But it was pretty late and I don't think people minded "blue" material. Hope you listened up, 'cuz I bet the band won't play it for another 364 days."

-- "Yeah OK, fool, but cyberspace never forgets."

.

gay men

Plural of gay man. In early 21st Century USA usually refers to men who are same-sex in sexual orientation and (generally) out of the closet; that is, self-identified as "gay." Gay men may live in partnership, or may be single. "Gay men" as a term is generally preferred by the relevant group over the more clnical "homosexual" or slur words.

.

'Oscar, do you really think all gay men march in lockstep? Go ask a lot of them their opinions about the president. Or read THE ADVOCATE.'

fart patio

A outside place in a house or apartment such as a patio or stoop where people go to pass gas after a heavy or gaseous meal.

"Fart Patio - This Way" (sign in novelty shop)

Legoland

Legoland is that place in your town or urban area where medium-height buildings (10-25 stories) seem to have sprouted almost overnight between about 1985 and today. Such an area with a high Legoland factor will boast modestly asymmetrical offices and hotels, and a fair degree of dark gray window glass, set among multilane roads and parking garages. Because of zoning designed to benefit large corporate builders, there will be an absence of such attractive nuisances as billboards and strip malls. Public transit will be close to nonexistent.

--What's the most Legoland place in the Chicago area?

--Many people would say Schaumburg but I would nominate the area west of Chicago at the intersection of the I-88 Reagan Toll Road and I-355. The buildings are all modern and were probably considered modestly daring in the past 25 years when they were built, but in reality are unchallenging and dull.

--Why doesn't Schaumburg qualify?

--It has some newer buildings but also lots from the mid-Sixties to the mid-Eighties, a style more Judgment City than Legoland.

(see "Judgment City").

jackoff artist

A person (usually a man) who is good at masturbation, but since that rudimentary skill requires no particular training, it's usually used to mean someone who has no particular skills at anything beyond masturbation. An American way to designate a "wanker."

"Bob says he's an air-guitar artist."

"Bob is a jackoff artist at best. I'm not even sure he can perform air-guitar."

GOP

1) Traditional nickname of Republican party, short for "Grand Old Party."

2) More recently, slang for a pizza topped with pepperoni, onion and green pepper.

(G=Green pepper; O=Onion; P=Pepperoni.)

-- "You should stay, I just ordered a GOP and there'll be plenty of food."

-- "I didn't know they made house calls. What do you mean?"
-- "A GOP is a pizza topped with green pepper, onion, and pepperoni."

-- "I'd love to share, if a political agnostic is allowed to partake."

detumescence

Tumescence in reverse; the process where, after ejaculation, a man's penis shrinks and reverts to "normal" pre-sexual size.

.
"I get boners quick but after sex I lose them quick too. My dick goes back to normal size before I can say "detumescence".

.