Pap dampner

The couple of bits of bog roll you throw in to prevent backsplash before dropping the kids off at the pool

bro 1: damn, I gotta unload the groceries real bad

bro 2: don't forget the pap dampner, you don't want splashback

Occum’s hammer

The explanation that requires the fewest challenges to mediating position
(A play on ‘when your only tool is a hammer, you see everything as nails)
Plus a hammer is blunt and at the opposite end of precision to a razor.

Rob: the health service is broken because it’s woke
Rob: the prisons are broken because of woke
Rob: schools are broken because they’re woke
Rob: I can’t get a girlfriend because woke

Me: boy, that rob sure does like to swing occum’s hammer