gopher

The upmost hottest girl you ask out but not too hot (not to be confused with a supermodel) who likes you back and is excited to get to know you and have fun on the first date. But throws you a text 3 days before the date explaining she is anxious, going through mental issues, and is not ready to date guys.

She will probably apologize 3 times in one sentence from all the guilt and embarrassment she caused and will then feel bad she broke your heart and probably never will be able to forget what she did and in return become even more emotionally unstable to repeat the cycle of never receiving the confidence to go out on a date.

I asked out a "gopher" to only realized 3 day later she was mentally unstable to handle my awesomeness.

Gopher

-In the wild, a gopher is a small rodent with big cheeks.

-However calling someone a gopher, can be used as a nickname meaning that the person is funny/cute with *most importantly* squishy cheeks.

1. The gopher in my backyard ate all my plants.

2. Have you seen *insert name*’s cheeks ?! *Person* is such a gopher !!!

gopher lotion

the act of lubing up a gopher and sliding it across a polished floor with the aim of getting a hole in one ( someones anus )

Hay anyone up for a round of gopher lotion

Gopher Buddy

A gopher buddy is a friendship between two people where you are able to be complete and total dumbasses together, and yet still find each other attractive no matter what faces you make towards each other.

Even though he a headass he still my gopher buddy!

"Got damn my gopher buddy dumb as hell, but I'd still fuck."

gopher green

One who "goes for green" i.e. likes to smoke weed. May be used derisively towards a mooch (he/she that does not contribute but merely partakes of the green)

Damn, son, that bitch is a real Gopher Green, she smoked up all of my bud.

Gopher Tax

When you are sent on errands (when you have to "go for" something), it's your cut, or tip

I had to go pick up the coffees, and bought a muffin with everybody's change. It was my gopher tax.

golden gopher

Verb; to cover a height challenged or little person in succulent soil while they are perspiring profusely and then urinate on them to wash them clean

After a long day at the construction site and pinched for time, Brian sought out a friend to give him a golden gopher, so he could get home before his wife found out about his extra curricular activities