waterproof mascara

This shit sure as hell works because it won't come off until you wake up the next morning and there's a bunch of black flakes all over your face and in your eyes. If you really want to get it off burn your eyes with some hot water and melt it off.

"Hey you've really had this waterproof mascara for a while now!"
"Haha that's because I'm wearing the same coat of mascara from last year!"