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This phenomenon happens when you see someone in their yard while driving around and they're standing and bent over tending to their garden. 99 percent of the time it's not a pleasant site and it can produce recurring images in your mind of a large object stretching out Capri pants to maximum capacity.
"Since the weather has been better lately, I'm seeing garden ass all over the place whenever I'm driving around."
Take a massive shit on your girlâs stomach and have her mold it into something that looks like a beef patty. While sheâs doing that, stand above her and recite any famous quote from a king.
Friend 1: I was burger kinging Tonya last night...that girl is a freak!
Friend 2: Nice...what did you say to her while you were burger kinging her?
Friend 1: I said âI send you a kaffis of mustard seed, that you may taste and acknowledge the bitterness of my victory.â It's a quote from Alexander the Great.
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When a girl blows into a limp uncircumcised dick and it blows up like a pufferfish.
"My girl blew air into my flaccid dick and next thing you know it looked like a pufferfish. She has asthma though, so she can't Puffacock for too long."
How to reading rainbow someone: Tell the person that youâre speaking with something interesting to the point where they are genuinely interested in the topic. When you reach the point where you think the person is most interested in what you have to say and asks you a question about the topic, respond by saying âRead the damn bookâ¦ba da da.â (3 note tune that is played in the actual show when a kid would give a book report and cut you off mid-story leaving you in serious suspense). Then inform them that they just got reading rainbowed. You can switch it up and when someone doesnât believe what youâre telling them; respond by saying âBut you donât have to take my word for it, read the damn bookâ¦ba da da."
Tom: Did you know that itâs possible to slow down time when youâre traveling at the speed of light?
Mike: No way, thatâs not even possible.
Tom: Yes it is, there have been a lot of studies done on it.
Mike: Wow, how did they figure that out?
Tom: Read the damn book sonâ¦ba da da.
Mike: Huh?
Tom: You just got reading rainbowed.
The constipated looking facial expressions people make when it's really bright outside or when they look directly into the sun.
You seriously need to invest in some sunglasses. You're not gonna pick up any girls walking around looking sunstipated like that.
When you're chillin with your girl and she's busy playing Candy Crush Saga, but you want to bust a nut. She can't have sex because she's focused on the game and her hands aren't available to jerk you off, so she gives you a foot job while playing Candy Crush.
"I was watching the football game last night at the house and my girl was busy playing Candy Crush Saga. Not only did she not talk to me for most of the game which is great, but she gave me a Candy Crush Foot Jerk...she's definitely marriage material."
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When someone goes into a bathroom because their stomach isn't feeling right and the fan turns on, the sink starts running, and the toilet flushes, but you still hear them let out a massive fart. This occurs much more often with females that are around their significant other because they think that by covertly going to the bathroom, turning on the fan and sink, and also flushing the toilet, it will produce enough noise to muffle the sound of their farts, but most of the time their efforts are unsuccessful.
Friend 1: "How are things between you and your girl?"
Friend 2: "Not good, bro. Ever since I heard her having some bath & body squirts, I don't find her sexually attractive anymore."
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