passive aggressive cosplay

Wearing a cosplay costume, at an inappropriate time/place, to tick off someone you dislike, instead of having a verbal confrontation with them. It works best when used on people who are too stupid to get your reference. Passive aggressive cosplay can be used as an effective form of non-verbal protest.

At the (society for narcissistic mothers) picnic -

Suzy: “Jane, why are you dressed like Joan Crawford?”.

Jane: “Shhhh.... It’s passive-aggressive cosplay”.

At the (society for book-burners) annual brunch -

Rachel: “Jane, why are you dressed like Arya Stark from Game of Thrones?”

Jane: “Shhh.... It’s passive aggressive cosplay”.

Dellosaurus

An old DELL computer that takes 30min to power on and 12hrs to update. The fan huffs loudly at the slightest sign of CPU usage. The keyboard gets so hot that you could fry an egg on it, and the charger has been recalled several times.

I use ice packs to keep my Dellosaurus cool.

port-a-lock

A portable door lock designed to fit on any door. Most are small enough to be carried in a pocket or purse. There are many different designs on the market. The most common design consists of a simple metal plate that hooks onto the door knob’s strike plate, with a sliding piece that prevents the door from opening. Most interior doors, in American homes, do not feature built-in locks.

This little-known device saves lives in cases of domestic violence, and they should be given away in schools.

My husband tried to beat me, but I took refuge in the kids’ room and locked the door with a port-a-lock. It kept the kids and me safe until the cops got there.