Siri

When you thought Apple couldn't ruin anything else, they made Siri. The most broken non-usable voice assistant of all time. Hell will be Siri just endlessly talking about random things. She gets 95% of the things you ask her wrong. If Siri was real I would put her through a meat grinder. In the mean time I will just throw the phone in one.

You: Siri help! I've been shot!

Siri: Okay calling Taco Bell.

You: Siri wheres the nearest condom shop? I am going to get laid tonight.

Siri: Okay calling CVS. (Really calling mom.)

You: *Fart* (butt dail)

Siri: Calling your girlfriends mom.

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