Pseudo-fart

A large, disruptive, and noisy fart employed to cover up coughs, Used as a disguise for COVID symptoms.

*blarp*
People in airport: “ew, dood that was disgusting!”
Friend 1: why Did u do that?”
Friend 2: I had to cough, but couldn’t risk missing my flight to get tested so I pulled a pseudo-fart.”

Cody’s cucumber

The act of going to rehab, stealing UV lights from a nearby greenhouse, planting a cucumber in a shoe under your bed and growing it until it is a decent size to be used as a dildo for your anus. Make sure while your dildalate, you are in the shower. Using while in your room is an act of exibitionism because you are in rehab and therefore have no privacy. To get the full effect, rename yourself “Cody”.

Probation officer #1: “God, he’s been in there FOREVER! What could a boy be doing in there?”
P.O. #2: “If i didn’t know any better, I’d say he’s pulling a ‘Cody’s Cucumber’.”

Dildalate

Act of using a dildo

*mom walks into stepson’s room*
Mom: “ugh Brian, you’re doing it wrong again! The OTHER end is supposed to go up your ass! I know being in a wheelchair hinders your full dildalate -ing potential... here I’ll help”
Brian: *screams*

Russian Lawn Mower

A favorite method of torture used by the U.S.S.R in times of war to get confessions out of POWs, the common RLM is mistakenly enforced when a person receives head from a braceface while unshaven. The pubes then tangle into the “barbed wire” of the braces and then get torn out when the metal mouth pulls back. It is unfortunate for both, the receiving getting painful ingrown hairs while the perpetrator gets enough hair in their mouth to donate to “Locks For Love” to make wigs for cancer ridden children.

Victim:“OW! Ugh I’m still sore from last night!”
Random: “what do you mean?”
Victim: “Well, Caroline gave me QUITE a Russian lawn mower”
Random: “Oh I see... I hope this doesn’t worsen your male pattern baldness!”

Bidenus supporteris

A person who supports Biden. They tend to wear masks all the time, even in the car by themselves. If they are white and hate white people is also a telltale sign. They tend to flock around large cities, their natural habitat.

Friend #1: bruh look at dis dood... his on a jet ski by himself in the middle of da ocean with his mask still on! Smh.”
Friend2#: “hmm. I think he might be a bidenus supporteris they have a lot around here, it’s their mating season.”

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