mute-ant

A person seemingly unable to exchange simple pleasantries such as "hello", "how are you", and "goodbye". Often someone encountered only briefly (i.e. a cashier) but they may also be someone you see every day, such as a co-worker.

I just went to the drugstore to buy some toothpaste, and ended up having a one-sided conversation with the cashier.

Normal Person: Hi, how are you?
Mute-ant: ...
Normal Person: How much for the toothpaste?
Mute-ant: ...
Normal Person: (reads register and pays) Thanks, have a good night, you fucking mute-ant.
Mute-ant: ...

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gerontocracy

A government where old people are in charge.

The US's gerontocracy is getting very out of hand!

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sire

To father a child, usually unintentionally.

"Shit, I should have wrapped it up on Spring Break... I can't believe I sired a kid!!!"

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maybe later

a slightly less (or more) dick way of saying "no fucking way."

"Hey man wanna come over later and catch Dancing With the Stars?"

"Maybe later."

"You fuckin' dick."

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merck

To murder, kill, or otherwise destroy. Derived from the word "mercenary".

If that mothafucka look at me like that one more time, I'm gonna merck somethin'!!!

Jay: Yo Wally, nice haircut, asshole!
Wally: Fuck you bitch, I'll merck yo' ass.

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BTFO

Blacked The Fuck Out. The utmost levels of drunken ineptitude, where all controlled motor functions, inhibitions, and sound judgments go to die.

"How did I end up on your couch?"
"You were BTFO last night, dude."
"Ah, thanks. Why does my ass hurt?"

"I want to quit my job, but don't have the balls to do so. I guess I'll get BTFO at the next work function and let it sort itself out."

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decoy drink

A cocktail that doesn't contain any alcohol. Reserved for friends that are too drunk to notice the difference but refuse to stop drinking.

"Dude, Kaitlyn can barely stand. Why do you keep giving her vodka tonics?"

"Chill, man. Decoy drinks... nothin' in there but tonic."