chav

Complete and utter waste of space. Recent (couple of years) incursion into British culture is the "Chav."
There are two forms of this word;
Chav = Cheltenam Average
Chav = Council House and Violent

I'm sure everyone has heard of these tosspots, but if you aren't quite sure.. Perhaps this will jog your memory?
- Pitiful IQ, of which barely rivals an amoeba.
- Burburry baseball cap, always worn at an angle
- Utmost idiocy and unbelievably annoying abuse of the English language.
- Tracksuits or other branded clothing such as Addidas or Reebok.
- Bling Central. At least one golden coloured ring on each finger, a couple of chains.
- In order to become a chav you must first be either really short, really lanky or incredibly fat (normally chavettes)
- Huge groups of complete remedials.
- Immensely tacky clothing, complete with retarded gestures when speaking to a fellow zombie.
- Normally in groups of 10 or more, you can often see the whole group fighting each other just for the hell of it or all beating on some innocent bystander who happened to look in their general direction.
-Only nutrition comes from fast food restaurants, most classic being McDonalds. Often because it's all they can afford.

Basically, if you have seen Shaun of The Dead, chavs are the zombies + burberry + bling + 9 other companions - 200 braincells.

A group of chavs often take a while to decide what to do. This is due to the fact that the sharing of the single brain cell they have takes a while to get passed on to each "person."

All chavs should be exterminated. Shoot at will, innit.

Example 1-
A) Chav 1: Wut da fuk are yu lukin at?
B) Respectable Person: You
C) Chav 1 & 2: Ooh, did ya all ere dat? e's a cheeky one
D) Chavette: Yea, ar ya startin? I'll fukin ave yu.
E) All Chavs: Ge'd 'im!
F) Chav 4: Yea lets fukin spark im out, like.
G) Chav 7: Innit
H) Chavette: I is well up for it
I) -Poor offspring of 12 and 14 year old chav cries-
J) Chav 3: Aw for fuk sake man, shut dat lidle fucka up, like
K) Chav 8: Yo
L) -All go to "spark out" the guy that looked at them.-

Translations:

A) Chav 1: Someone with a life is regarding our group.
B) Respectable Person: You
C) Chav 1 & 2: Gosh. He just said something I didn't understand. Lets
insult him.
D) Chavette: Yes. I'm harder than all of these lads here, i'll hit you.
E) All Chavs: Lets get him!
F) Chav 4: Yes, lets beat him and knock him out.
G) Chav 7: Yeah.
H) Chavette: I am feeling up to a fight.
I) -Poor offspring of 12 and 14 year old chav cries-
J) Chav 3: Darn. Not that silly child again. Dearest, please calm him
down.
K) Chav 8: Yeah.
L) -All go to beat up the guy that looked at them.-

Example 2-
1) Lone Chav: Ya startin?
2) Respectable Person: Yeah -Walks towards the ape-like creature-
3) Chav: Ar shit man, I was only kiddin' innit

1) Lone Chav: I don't know why that man is stood near me. He must be
trying to start a fight.
2) Respectable Person: Yeah -Walks towards the chav-
3) Chav: Oh no! Where's all my gang? I'm too scared to touch him unless
at least 5 of my friends beat him up with me. I'm sorry mister, please
don't hurt me.

34👍 7👎

Night is the new Day

A term I use. I often stay up much later than I should (At the time i'm writing this it is 6am and I have had no sleep since the night before.) I use it and am agreed with by other friends that stay up late.

Practically nocturnal, it means that people who stay up really late do so because they love staying awake through the night, thus saying for these people that night is the time when they do things most do in the day. It also mean that they may wish that everyone did what people normally do in day was done at night instead.

Jamie: Nobody is ever online at this time.
Tash: Yeah I know
Jamie: I hate going to sleep early in the night. I love the night, I wish I was nocturnal.
Tash: That'd be sooo cool!
Jamie: Yeah, Night is the new Day!

30👍 19👎