loaster

A device used to enhance feminine decollatage. Originally from Sweden and a favorite among celebrities, including Jennifer Lopez when she wore her infamous green scarf-dress, the loaster was introduced to a wider audience on an episode of Oprah's Favorite Things. One audience member had to be hosipitalized in the ensuing frenzy. The loaster is manufactured by Promessa Organic using a patented microfiber inspired by the silk of the Hobo spider Tegenaria agrestis.

"I have been saving up for a loaster for months! Prom's coming up and these boobies need to look their best!"

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