Vladimir Putin

Vladimir Putin

Man of diminutive stature with enormous, usually nationalist chip on his shoulder. Vladimir Putins will attempt to combat the shame felt over their height and the disgraceful state of their country/countrymen by staging increasingly bizarre macho photo shoots, usually involving the persecution of a wild animal. The successful Vladimir Putin will usually live among peasants, and skilfully manipulate their base instincts to create an unassailable power base. The Vladimir Putin tends to become increasingly detached from reality in the absence of criticism from his subjugated peasant hordes, and finds himself driven to indulge in increasingly inappropriate behaviour such as singing, dancing, expounding the virtues of “Rep music”, and instructing the wives of world leaders to make cabbage soup. He will normally benefit from a complete absence of the concept of irony among his followers, allowing almost all barriers of bad taste and cringeworthiness to be smashed down without fear of reprisal.

I wouldn’t let your dog anywhere near that little weirdo. He’s a real Vladimir Putin. Before you know it he’ll have ripped his shirt off, sung heartbreak hotel and strangled it.

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Dill Muncher

Consumer of dill in vast quantities. Person with a compulsion towards liberal application of neat dill to all savoury dishes, without exception. One who holds culinary sophistication in the lowest possible regard. Person with advanced control of gag reflex. Diner committed to the wholesale destruction of the Italian cuisine. Person hailing from the former Soviet Union.

Oh for fucks sake. I ordered a margarita pizza and the dill muncher of a chef has slathered it in mayonaisse and dill

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