bootleg friend

(n) A person who you may tell to their face they are your friend or a person who you don't actually like/trust for whatever character flaw. They may be in your friend circle but on a one-on-one basis they are not a friend to you. However you keep them around because for whatever reason it may be, they help you in some way.

Jim: Why do you chill with Eric? I hear he snitched on Kenny. Plus he's kind of a dick to your sister.

Greg: Because he can get me alcohol. He's pretty stupid so he doesn't know I hang with him just to get me drinks. He's just a bootleg friend.

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spit or bleed

When you've got a real good pump going on, but the friction level starts to rise and you're faced with a difficult choice spit or bleed. Do you stop the fap to lube up or do you continue on and bleed. The choice is yours.

I was tuggin' er real hard last night and was bout to squirt when it got a little dry. So I had to decide whether to spit or bleed. I chose bleed. It hurt real bad, but I swear I hit the ceiling.