Douchebag Constant

1. A special, real number that normalizes the ratio of douchebags in a conversation to the amount of time it takes for one or more of them to be called out as such.

Time to call-out = Douchebag Constant * (time / douchebags); tc = DBC(t / d)

SEObot

An SEObot is a subset of spambots most often found as accounts on social networks, or as webcrawlers used to game page ranking mechanisms in search. The typical social network SEObot is either trying to game, or trying to sell SEO services, often mixed with other spam.

Enough with the SEObots already -- Twitter really needs to kill the autofollow mechanism.

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hipster

Primary indication of membership in Fauxhemian society: placeless pretentiousness. This is followed closely by wearing clothes that don't look good on you, or anyone, because it's "cool," right alongside being critical and then hypocritical about whatever you were criticizing in someone else, often in the name of "irony."

Secondary indications of self-election to doucheoisie status include a fondness for the non-non-mainstream Pabst Blue Ribbon, more commonly referred to as PBR, and feigning delight in subpar bands just because the mainstream has never heard of said bands. (Probably with good reason.)

Hipster douchebag tweets: "Wow, I can't believe that person tweets so much! Don't they have a life?"

Hipster douchebag gets a crappy haircut for the irony of it after criticizing a coworker or social acquaintance's bad haircut the day before.

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life-vomit

to blog or microblog in a fashion completely uninteresting to those around you, or in your netwok, often in an overly-revealing, stream-of-consciousness fashion.

That d-bag life-vomits complete juvenile nonsense on Pownce.

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wikidemic

Someone whose seemingly-omniscient, categorical knowledge of any and every subject is derived solely from superficial wanderings through Wikipedia.

Person A: "That guy in the front row knows everything! He makes Steve Jobs look like an infant. Why isn't HE giving the lecture?"

Person B: "Nah, that guy's bogus. Total wikidemic. He hasn't hit the books or had any real professional experience in his life. He's got a degree in Animal Husbandry or Basket Weaving or something."

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twam

Twitter spam; see also, life-vomit

1. Twitter accounts that serve no benefit other than linkspamming or self-promotion: "That girl's pretty twam-y."

2. Twitter follow requests from persons blithely following Robert Scoble's mass-adding formula for gaining "followers" on Twitter: "Scoble's mass-add formula encourages follow twam."

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dickhand

To touch public surfaces after touching one's private areas, perhaps by utilizing the facilities, perhaps by self-pleasuring, perhaps by pleasuring someone else, without having the civil nature to wash one's hands first.

That Google guy dickhands the bathroom door every time. Why can't that guy wash his damn hands?

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