Spokane

Second largest city in Washington, behind Seattle. Like all middle children, it harbors a resentment of the eldest while simultaneously trying to be exactly like it and failing miserably. As such, Spokane tries to present itself as a more quaint, provincial version of Seattle, except that it has no culture and only five or six minorities on a good day.

Spokane is a good place to go if you would like to be shot by the police. The incompetent boobs who run the department specialize in firing upon minors, beating retarded janitors to death and ticketing old men with canes for jaywalking. But that's only because they are incredibly efficient at their jobs and have virtually shut down all crime in the city.

Wait, what? No, Spokane is also the meth capital of the world, and the police department's attempts at reversing this trend add up to...let's see...eight hundred divided by seven times six to the third, carry the one...EPIC FAIL.

Good jobs are impossible to find, here. There are "good outdoor activities" nearby, but all that really does is attract rich white kids to camp their asses on the South Hill and drink shitty canned beer while waiting for the next "good powder, man."

In short, Spokane is a nest of greasy rats breeding in a big, ugly valley with a serious air pollution problem. I hope it explodes.

Young Person: Pardon me, officer, but could you direct me to the railway station?

Policeman: HE'S HOSTILE! OPEN FIRE!

Meth Dealer No.1: Is the coast clear to transfer this massive amount of crystal methamphetamine to a storage facility in broad daylight?

Meth Dealer No.2: Oh, yes, quite. The police are ticketing jaywalkers again today.

Meth Dealer No.3: I love Spokane.

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