Elias

The sexiest man on the entire planet. This guy is rich, gets all the girls, and is the best at everything he does. He’s an amazing singer, he plays piano brilliantly, has a great taste in music, and is super athletic. He’s also the best kisser in the world. This guy is straight up sex.

I want to fuck Elias so bad.

2👍 1👎

Swifty

A third-rate Jew who doesn't exist. You might think he's there whenever you talk to him, but really you're just imagining him. While being the fastest person ever, Swifty has also suffered through a paper-eating addiction. With his old age, he's now ugly af. But back in his day, he was the hottest lesbian I've ever seen.

Person 1: "Did you see Swifty the other day?"
Person 2: "Who's Swifty?"
Person 1: "I actually don't know."

Pow R Toc H

The greatest song ever made. A true masterpiece with the best vocal intro of all time. Screw Echoes and Shine On You Crazy Diamond, this is Pink Floyd's true banger song. Real music.

I was listening to Pow R Toc H the other day and my mind was blown.

Elchoppe

A Skrillex fan, but handsome soul. He's a real bud. His voice is hot as fuck but he has awful takes. He once wore blackface on a discord video call.

Nat wants to fuck Elchoppe

Robert Baker

A half black half Italian guy. He’s short but he plays hockey as a goalie. Based on this description, he doesn’t sound like a real person. But what’s even more unreal is how fine he is 😍

Everyone loves Robert Baker
I made out with Robert Baker