Cancellebration

That feeling you get after a class or meeting that you weren't prepared for has been postponed.

You have to look disappointed but feel the epitome of utter glee inside knowing you will have more time to complete (and/or procrastinate) the work.

Teacher: Sorry class, the test will need to be given tomorrow because I've been busy with the divorce and night job and shit.

Student: Aww (Inside they feel true cancellebration)

I'm a Klingon, BITCH!!

This phrase is pretty much useful in any situation. It shows that you are a higher individuals than others.

In a game of baseball, Johnny has just pitched a no-hitter.
Teammate: How'd you do that?
Johnny: 'Cause I'm a Klingon, BITCH!!

A mom sends a very upset Veroniqua upstairs.
Mom: Do you have anything to say for yourself?
Veroniqua: I'm a FUCKIN Klingon, BITCH!!!!

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Jesus Cloud

When the sun is hidden behind a large cloud so that the light bounces all around the edges and creates an awesome shot of heavenly clouds. Unfortunately, cell phone cameras can never capture these epic views.

Bro: Whoa, look at that cloud, man!
Man: Dude that's epic.
Bro: Like, the light and stuff bouncing around.
Man: It's a Jesus Cloud!

Harry Potter Syndrome

Harry Potter Syndrome (or HPS) is the phenononom when you begin to read a book (usually Harry Potter but also another interesting novel) around 11 pm. After reading a satisfying amount, you decide to go to bed. You look at your clock and realize it is now about 4 am.

John pulls into the office an hour late, with sleepy eyes.
John: Sorry guys, I got Harry Potter Syndrome last night.
Eduardo: *snicker* *snicker* Dork...
John: I guess... but Cedric died D:
Victor (who has been sitting in the corner this whole time): SHIT! THE MUGGLES KNOW!!!

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First Choice Bias

When someone is listing options and you automatically choose the first choice. This usually leads to the person doubting you or you doubting yourself, eventually causing you to switch your answer.

Mike: Yo, Shaniqua.
Shaniqua: Hey, you wanna see a movie tonight?
Mike: Sure... what movie?
Shaniqua: How about Finding Nemo, Busty Cops 4, or He's Just Not That Into You?
Mike: I like Finding Nemo...
Shaniqua: GODDAMMIT MIKE CUT THE BULLSHIT WITH YOUR FIRST CHOICE BIAS!!

Joe: Hey, man
Paublo: Hey, Joe.
Joe: You wanna put dog shit on someone's doorstep?
Paublo: Sure. You wanna hit the Jefferson's, Al Murra's, Nagaski's, or the Smith's?
Joe: The Jefferson's I guess.
Paublo: Oh.. okay.
Joe: What? Ooh... you think it's my first choice bias choosing that.
Paublo: Huh? Oh no it's just...
Joe: that's cool dude.

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Bases

Baseball terms used as sexual metaphors. Most commonly referring to the bases.
1st base= Kissing, french kissing
2nd base= Groping, feeling, fingering
3rd base= Oral sex, 69, handjob, pretty much anything but all-out sex
Home run= Full-on sex, penetration

Many people have different variations for first, second, and third base.

Person 1: Yo, last night I got to 2nd base with your girlfriend!
Person 2: Well I hit a home run with your mom!

Kid: Dad, tell me about the bases!
Dad: Son... stfu

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apocarolypse

Those dreaded 25 or 30 days before Christmas when all you hear when you turn on the radio is sellout whiny pop singers remaking Christmas carols over and over and over.

John: You gotta help me, man. I don't know what to do!
George: Calm down, bro... what's wrong? You look pale.
John: My bus driver always puts on the radio and for the past 2 weeks I haven't heard anything but "Joyful Toys for Joyful Boys" by Alicia Keys.
George: Oh lord... has the apocarolypse already begun?