Carnival of Fuckupery

A Carnival of Fuckupery is celebration of High Order Douchebaggery. Simply put, an individual, or more commonly, individuals, are douching it up to such an extreme extent that there is nothing you can do to control the situation. And why would you want to do that? It will all come crashing down sooner rather than later, so crack a beer open some chips and settle in for the shitshow.

The mixing of Ketamine, whiskey and borderline Down Syndrome almost universally results in a Carnival of Fuckupery.

Tijuana shuffle

SOMEtimes there is an urgency in the deepest darkest regions of the netherbowels... SOMEtimes a suitable bathroom is not within arm's, or ass's, reach... SOMEtimes you can't take a regular step, nevermind run, for fear of downloading a frightful and possibly toxic but definitely humiliating less-than-solid mess. At these times you must keep both feet planted firmly on the floor as you clench your starfish and slowly move in the direction of the nearest shit receptacle. THIS is the Tijuana shuffle.

Brian: "Ahhhgh. All of that Jägermeister, chili, and meth made me do the Tijuana shuffle."

Jess: "You oughta douche... get Sareh to help"

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the salazar

A drunken homoerotic calf massage administered or offered under the guise of a friendly gesture. Often the solicitor is unaware of his own gaynificence and uses extreme quantities of wine to quell the burning desire for hot monkey manlove.

Maaaan shut the fuck up; I did NOT try to give you the salazar.

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black eye affair

A black eye affair is what occurs when at least two persons drink far enough past reasonable to mutually decide it would be bitchin' cool to give each other black eyes. This is normally done by striking each other in the face. Repeatedly. After all the shiner is never instant so you must not have done it right. Sometimes a third party is needed to hit you when one of you is so drunk that the punches seem to be leaving contusions on my forehead instead of my eye. Ummm. I mean the foreheads of those involved. The bartender will normally laugh and take pictures on his cell phone to show his daughter the effects of too much whiskey... but a lot of other people decide its a good time to go home. Be prepared for a lot of very original Fight Club jokes and inquiries as to just what the fuck is wrong with you the next day at work. A frozen can of beer is very helpful the next day as well. Fuck you Jameson.

What kind of assholes drink a full bottle of Jameson on empty stomachs and decide its a good idea to have a black eye affair? Us.

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Douchebaggery of the Highest Order

Also known as DOTHO. Most often exclaimed whilst thrusting arm vertically pointing skyward with the index finger. Fairly self explanatory: extremely advanced douchebaggery. Carl Saganesque level douchebaggery. If douchebaggery was grade school Earth Science, DOTHO would be Advanced Quantum AstroPhysics III.

Steven Hawking was PRETENDING to be crippled? That's Douchebaggery of the Highest Order.

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gaynificence

Extremely advanced homosexuality. Gayer than a vanilla potpourri scented rainbow of cock watching the View. If gay was whiskey you'd get drunk just READING the label on Gaynificence. The salazar. And so forth.

His gaynificence made him the fruitiest UberQueer to ever skip down Cocksucker Lane.

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