Heating up your ships main cannon

Masturbation,jerking off (usually males)

Child: *fapfapfap*
Mom:What are you doing I heard something?
Child:uhmmmmm nothing
Mom:Heating up your ships main cannon?
Child (silently:) FUCK

cat

an epic creature that will shoot fire at you if you get near it. you can usually find one outside or near/in a house. its main abilities are to chomp and scratch but they can also pounce, shoot lasers out of their eyes, be cute, jump as high as they want, and fly. do not fight one unless you are equipped with extreme power armor and heavy assault cannons. its also better to bring multiple friends. dont say i didnt warn you when you get vaporized from being fooled by its cuteness.

i walked up to a cat and died because i wasnt well equipped

1586👍 171👎

hexbug

A toy for kids that resembles a bug. You press a button, which causes it to vibrate madly and move forwards. Comes in "nano" and 'normal" sizes. You may find them at Toys R Us or even Kennedy Space Center for about $3.00 (nano) - $5.00 (normal)

Jim's mother has decided to get him a hexbug that he has been asking for.

12👍 2👎

feel good music

Horrible autotune music. And some people actually say its GOOD? This is sad, because 70% of America listens to this garbage.

Listening to feel good music is frustrating after a while.

17👍 14👎

superman

the act of when your having sex, then as your about to cum, say "its a bird! no! its a plane! its superman!" as you run outside and spray the semen everywhere

the woman did not want to get pregnant so the man did a superman

22👍 14👎

car

Murder machines on wheels. They are used most deadly by women. A common tactic to use this lethal weapon is to ride the car in front of your's bumper. This causes many deaths a year. If you try to pass one, they will speed up, to not let you go in front of them. If you are smart enough to speed up, then cut them off, they will ride your bumper and flicker their headlights and start to chase you. This is why you always bring a bat in your car. You never know if they have a gun with them. To defend yourself against bumper-riders, just jam on the brakes, then let go of the brakes. They will probably get scared and stop. Even though a ton of people commit road crimes, I always seem to find myself getting pulled over after I see someone pass a red light/etc.

In this example, I will show a scenario of a woman driver.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------

I was driving down the road, when I see this car going 10 mph on a 40 mph road. I speed up to get ahead of her, then she takes off at 50 mph to try to stop me. I boost ahead of her and then she starts to follow me. She goes like, 60 mph and passes me by the shoulder. Then she stops and jams on the brakes, gets out of the car, and I bring a bat with me. I say "Why are you following me?" and she says "You cut me off." "Thats all you had to say? Your not doing anything about it?" I said. Then she takes a picture of my license, which she never even turned into the cops. Then guess what, I got pulled over for speeding, when she as you can see was threatening me by flickering her lights while chasing me, passing me by the shoulder, and speeding 20 mph over the speed limit. The officer said I speeded 10 mph over the limit.

This was a TRUE STORY.

14👍 17👎

Grey Poupon

One of life's finer pleasures.

Excuse me sir, do you happen to have any Grey Poupon?
*hands over Grey Poupon*
One of life's finer pleasures.

27👍 9👎