Dance Moms

A show on Lifetime about a talking whale letting out her anger about her weight on small children and mentally disabled parents alike. The show takes place in a dance studio, where a white whale had managed to evolve to the point of being able to walk on land. The whale managed to find a dance studio to cower in and bemoan its fate. The dance instructor was working late hours, and saw the whale was in need of help, and took the whale under her wing.

The whale began to learn basic cognitive functions from the dance instructor. Less than a year later, the whale began to speak fluent English. It also spent the time learning dance moves, however it could not manipulate its enormous body to achieve such dexterous movements. When it was ready, it ate the dance instructor and inherited her position.

And so. the show records the whales efforts to teach children how to dance. It lashed out its anger at the smallest mishaps, unleashing her anger and traumatizing these children. The mothers watched, their simple minds unable to comprehend the cruelties their daughters face. When they did understand, the made a measly protest and were verbally assaulted by the whale. In front of there own children. It was decided that, upon the creation of the show, the only parents worthy of being on Dance Moms must have severe mental disabilities, so the none of them would have the common sense to withdraw their daughter and quit.

Typical fan of Dance Moms: Hurr durr dance derp.

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