Powder Room Muff

A variety of the Power Muff, the Powder Room Muff is a woman’s bush that spans over the labia majora, taint, anus and bottom. It is an intermediate level bush that is less cumbersome than the Gorilla Muff, yet still covers the erogenous zones thoroughly enough that one might feel as though they must trek through a forest in order to get to the ladybits which it shields. The Powder Room Muff derives its name from the complication that it creates for maintaining socially acceptable cleanliness standards following trips to the powder room. Those who choose to sport this muff should carry their own wet wipes at all times, else be warned that they are likely to walk around like an old dog with piss and shit matted to their crotches.

Who pissed in your cornflakes?

Boo Boo, when she stuck her dirty Powder Room Muff in my face this morning.

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Gorilla Muff

A variety of the Power Muff, the Gorilla muff is the fullest of all female bushes. Not only does it cover all aspects of a woman’s lower erogenous zones, it grows downwards to cover the upper thighs, upwards to cover the stomach, and loops around the bottom to cover a portion of the ass. It is extremely burdensome to maintain and often comes full of dingleberries, turds of varying size, dried discharge and stale urine. Unlike the Powder Room Muff, wet wipes are insufficient with regard to cleaning up the fallout of anything go in or out of it. Keeping it clean requires bathing (not showering) in two separately drawn baths following any toileting, menstrual or sexual activity. Its owners largely belong to fundamental religious sects who know little about the grooming requirements for sex play in the modern world. However, it is apparently quite repellant to male members of these groups, who often replace these hair bearers with younger wives with less cumbersome bushes (see Upper Puff, Powder Room Muff). On the contrary, some sexual deviants who are marginalized by mainstream society revere the Gorilla Muff as the Bush of all Bush. These pervs love to lose themselves in the fecal-infested, piss-stained, dinglenapped bush that is the Gorilla Muff.

Vanessa might put out. But that trick carries more turds in her Gorilla Muff than a dirty litter box.

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Upper Puff

A variety of the Power Muff, the Upper Puff is a woman’s bush that rises up toward the naval. Its fullness is concentrated above the genitalia, while the labia majora, taint, anus and bottom are more exposed (relatively speaking). It is the easiest muff to cover in a swimsuit, particularly a one-piece. Its connoisseurs appreciate pubic hair, yet enjoy the fact that it does not completely cover the erogenous zones of the vagina, taint and anus. It is also less likely to be subjected to becoming matted due to intercourse, vaginal fluid, spunk sprays and poor hygiene than muffs of the Powder Room or Gorilla class.

Lisa tickled my eyebrows with her Upper Puff while I was going down on her last night.

Power Muff

A tremendously unkempt bush covering a woman's genitalia. Much like the biblical figure Samson, the power muff derives its strength from from its length, fullness and overall unruly presentation. It may rise up toward the naval (upper Puff), down the buttocks (Powder Room Muff), but the most powerful of these muffs covers both of these areas much like that of a gorilla's fur. A contrast to the popular pubic dressing of a Brazilian wax, it is ironically revered and eroticized by many in the modern world (see Hipster).

Dude, I love to watch my junk disappear in her power muff when we're dry humping.

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