Car of Shame

A car sitting by itself in the bar parking lot the next morning.

Which means:
a. you got too wasted to drive or
b. you rode home with a "date"
c. you need to sneak back and pick it up before everyone sees it and knows what you did.

Tom: Hey, I need a favor.
Dave: Sure, what is it?
Tom: Just woke up and I need a ride to pick up my "car of shame" from the bar.
Dave: (Laughing) Be right there!

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St. Mattress by the Springs

Your bed on Sunday morning. Where you mattress worship.

The "Name" of the church you say you attend on Sunday morning, when the truth is that you are just sleeping in.

What you say to "friends" that want you to attend church with them and you don't want to hurt their feelings - "I attend St. Mattress by the Springs".

Bob: Hey-Wanna go to church with me? You do attend somewhere don't you?

Thom: Sorry, can't go with you, I attend St. Mattress by the Springs, but thanks anyway.

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