buckleheid

Scots slang for someone who has suffered a marked reduction in cognitive function due to chronic abuse of psychoactive substances.

"See yon Broggs fae Friock, he's a pure buckleheid!"

snot volcano

Term used to describe a large blob of nasal mucous blown into a paper tissue and carefully wrapped into a bulb shape before being gently squeezed until snot erupts.

Take cover, my snot volcano’s gonna blow!

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Mind Mangler

Particularly intoxicating alcholic beverage composed of red Aftershock and Absinthe. Mixed together in equal parts, the face-numbing, psychoactive brew is surprisingly easy to drink and thought to have been the inspiration for the beverage Dr Jeckyll knocks back to turn him into Mr Hyde.

"Sorry for running about the house naked last night, jumping through the hedge, havering rubbish and repeatedly testing walls to see if they could take my weight, but I was on the old Mind Mangler again."

Goatsnab

The act of distracting another while they are hard at work or trying to concentrate on some very important task (writing, surgery, bomb disposal etc).

"Cheers for that goatsnab. I nearly blew up the reactor."

Or go up behind a friend when they are hard at work, preferrably at a time when they definitely do not want to be distracted, grab their shoulders and push down repeatedly (they should be sitting on a partially sprung chair, ideally), while saying 'Goatsnab, goatsnab, goatsnab!'

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Puss Whip

Small Scottish whip used exclusively for face flagellation.

"Hey twatmonger, come over here and whip me in the puss with that Puss Whip."

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sweating like a gimp in a sauna

Phrase to describe profuse sweating analogous to the moisture output of someone in a sauna who is clad head-to-toe in leather.

"Man, it's hot today. I'm sweating like a gimp in a sauna!"

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twatmonger

A context-sensitive term of either endearment or rebuke.

Coming for a break, twatmonger?
or
Derek, you're such a sausage-fingered twatmonger!

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