Biggleswade

Biggleswade is famous for producing Stevie V of ‘Dirty Cash I Want You’ fame, a hit in the 1990’s. Some guy who was also credited with inventing the tractor was from there. An arable area it is mostly it is famous for strong weed and the proximity of pikey sites. At one point pikeys were said to be responsible for 80% of the crime in the local area. The last known brothel was in the town centre above a launderette. The old tom said she had to close it down because while she was trying to make an ‘honest living’ the local 14-year-old girls were doing it for a Bacardi Breezer. She was mostly right. They were also doing it for a packet of B&H behind the football stands. And they were 13 (true fact). SME’s never stood a chance.

True Biggleswadians (not commuter belt recent additions) have distinctive features owing to the fact that most of the town originated from 5 travelling families who originally settled there for the farm work (which has since dried up). Wide flat foreheads, upturned noses and illiteracy are common. The Biggles’whine’ is the local dialect.

Top tip: when visiting local bars, always sit with your back to the wall. At any point a drunk interbred retard might attack for no apparent reason excpet for 'youse int from round 'ere is ya'. Males and females are fairly indistinguishable after the age of 25. Despite the presence of the A1, the air is fairly clean and there is an abundance of wildlife.

'Oi this is Biggleswade , you don't faaking talk like me does ya!!'

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