Mick Mars

Former lead guitarist and one of the founding members of Mötley Crüe. Lives in Tennessee with his much younger gold-digger wife who is no doubt screwing the pool boy behind his hunched back. Is often regarded as the most well-behaved member of the band by people who don't know the truth, including the time he was arrested for fucking an 18 year old in the mens bathroom when he was in his mid 30's. Was a deadbeat absent father to his 3 kids, a severe alcoholic and opiod addict, has been married three times and has had numerous dysfunctional relationships because he isnt too bright and chooses social climber hoes to copulate with; though its safe to say his copulating days are now over. Hence why its ridiculous to believe his 40 year old ex model wife is with him for anything other than counting down the days to his death to grab his neglected children's rightful inheritance.

Was always weird looking, voted one of rocks ugliest men in his younger years; now geriatric and shrunken to a hunched 5'3, he looks like a ghostly pale version of the crypt keeper. Still managed to release a successful solo album in February 2024.

Who's that old guy with that department store mannequin? Oh that's just Mick Mars and his plastic "wife".