Piss Hatch

The small folded opening which is found in men's Y-fronts which enables the wearer to urinate without pulling down his underwear.

"Sorry about that vicar. I believe the explosion was caused by your candle igniting a small pocket of fart which had become temporarily trapped in the piss hatch of my trollies..."(etc)

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Twote

If someone is a bit of a scrote and a bit of a twat, then they're a Twote.

You know what, he's a real twote.

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Choirboy's Arse

A term which is often used to describe complicated parking manoevres.

"There's a space, park in there."
"No way will I get this Transit van in there mate, that space looks tighter than a choirboy's arse!"

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Putting English on the ball

When I went to San Francisco, I heard some guys were playing pool. They put backspin on the ball, and someone said 'Nice English'. I enquired, and found out that putting English on the ball means putting backspin on it.

"Sweet. You put so much English on that ball it went all the way back up your cue and in your mouth."

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send an urgent fax

verb. To become suddenly taken away from whatever you are doing by the vast need to deposit a particularly tempestuous turd which gives no warning of its presence whatsoever until the very last minute.

Sexy new secretary: "So, do you want to grab a bite to eat?"
You: (face going purple) "Sorry love, I've got to send an urgent fax."

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part me hair

When you want to go for a number two, you are in fact going to 'part your hair'.

"Bloody kebab. I'm off to part me hair."

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Banana Time

Refers to a study done by a misguided sociologist. He discovered the remarkable fact that workers make boring jobs more bearable by talking to each other. No shit! He observed the least productive part of the workers' day was when one guy stole another guys banana. This happened on every day of the study. Hence - when you're at work, doing bugger all, you are having 'banana time'.

Check this out on any search engine if you don't beleive me.

"Jenkins! You were supposed to have that report on my desk by three!"
"Sorry boss, we've been having a bit of banana time."
"You're all fired." (etc)

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