trumpet

A feeble instrument played by people with huge egos that are usually short and or want attention. Somtimes thought of as the loudest instrument, but is actually scientifically proven to be quieter than a trombone, it's just higher, so the human ear picks it up easier. In reality, I, being a trombone player, can outplay the entire woodwind section of my band or about 3 trumpets. However, I don't, because I'm not a self-centered a-hole that things his instrument is awesome.

One trombone player is capable of outplaying(scientifically proven):4 french horns, 40 clarinets, 3 trumpets, 7 tubas.

If low brass stop supporting trumpet players with harmony and backround, the trumpets sound like shit. You people are part of the band too.

61👍 103👎

clarinet

Codename for a black man's penis. Also a feeble insignificant instrument that is useless on it's own, and needs 50,000 other clarinets playing with it to be heard over a trombone. Loudest volume: messopiano, if they try really hard. Have no real use in anything but concert band, and are only put in marching bands in school because the directors feel sorry for them. Ever notice how there are no woodwinds in professional marching bands? Play melody 99% of the time because the writers don't know what else to do with them.

Clarinet players blow on big black things.

28👍 230👎

bassoon

An incredibly expensive instrument that makes a noise equivalent to a trombone mouthpiece. It is probably the least important instrument in the band.

I could play the bassoon part on my mouthpiece, and the directer wouldn't know the difference.

I thought someone killed a duck, but it was just a bassoon behind me.

7👍 193👎