Mooch Tiger

An aggressive, audacious, or fierce parasitic individual who incessantly tries to get your stuff free of charge and never has anything to give back.

Not your ordinary mooch, but the epitome of a life, blood, patience, time and resource sucking leech. The Mooch Tiger usually doesn’t have a real job or means of employment. His job is to live off of YOU. He's not just a fake friend in a temporary state of need, but he's “family”, or “like family” because that’s what he’s always calling you, and he’s constantly facing one downturn and temporary setback after another, that for some reason, he feels the need to share with you. This info about his circumstances usually comes shortly before he hints at needing some assistance from you and somehow he knows exactly when you have the resources to help him fix his dilemma. A real Mooch Tiger will never admit that he is broke. Why? Because YOU’RE never broke, and in his mind, if you’re okay, than he’s okay too.

The Mooch Tiger lives a lifestyle beyond his means because he knows how to charm his way into the lives of other people who have the resources he’s after. You can always catch him standing very close to the man, or woman, with the money. He’s the guy in VIP with no actual job, drinking for free and basking in the limelight reserved for the “talent”. He’s popular by association and his resume is filled with the names of important people he knows, not accomplishments he’s made on his own. He’s like a parasite, he’s never driving his own car, never staying at his own place, and he’s always “helping out” his current host. If you look closely, the only “helping” a Mooch Tiger does is help their current host spend their own money and exhaust all their resources, before complaining about how ungrateful the host is, and then moving on to a new victim. Many times the Mooch Tiger strikes before you are even aware you have been bitten.

The only way to get rid of a Mooch Tiger is to poach his @ss. You must cry BROKE at every turn, create a sob story of your own, and most importantly, start asking the Mooch Tiger for money EVERY SINGLE TIME he comes into contact with you. You know he doesn’t have it, and if he did, he wouldn’t give it to you anyway, but that’s not why you ask a Mooch Tiger for money… it’s because it’s Mooch Tiger REPELLENT. Lastly, learn to say the following phrase, let it be your mantra: “F*ck You, Pay Me!”

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