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The woman you take to a family funeral because your family expects someone to console you and you haven't told them about Rodrigo yet and your worried it might kill your Aunt Marguerite.
It probably won't, but you're not a risk taker.
"What mom? A funeral beard? I don't know what your talking about. I brought stacy so she could console me...you know, sexually.....with her uh....vagina.....and stuff..."
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This is a sexual position in which large amounts of dental floss are shoved into a partners behind and then removed.
The floss is then tied to your partners big toe on the right foot while you strum it like a guitar and sing various love songs from 80's big hair bands.
She said she loved my singing voice and my lovemaking skills so I gave her a Turkish Minstrel
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A game of Chess you invited a girl to so you can have an excuse to stare at her breasts while pretending to review her bishop placement.
"Yeah, I'm gonna invite her over for a game of Chesst. Then before you know it, my rook is in her castle if you know what I mean." *high-five*
When a person goes on goes on leave or disability for being overweight because they cant find it in themselves to work anymore.
Often caused by failure to not finish an 8 piece bucket of the colonel's secret recipe.
See also calling in fat
"Mr. Bossberg? Just letting you know I can't come in today. Why? Uh, fat vertigo. Bye."
A local cop who attempts to act "with it" and "hip" by using street slang from 2-3 years ago.
Said cop may also try to lure you into a false sense of security so you can admit your wrong-doing by using phrases like "that's whack" and asking why "you be fronting". His insistence in using the proper form of the word "fronting" (correctly said as "frontin") may be a good warning sign that you are faced with the Hip Hopfficer.
He may occasionally get confused and use slang from his own time by referring to something as "boss" or "gnarly".
Though you may be tempted by his offer to "sit down and rap", this person is in fact not your "homey".
"Yo dawg, I hate those Hip Hopfficers thinking they all that! That shit is whack yo!"
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In reality, this is your male penpal who's been calling you by the wrong name since you started corresponding with him in 5th grade and you never had the balls to correct him.
Often used as the basis for your explanation of why you don't have a GF because of this girl overseas your "kind of dating".
Sorry guys, I cant play D & D with you losers tonight because I have to get on AOL instant messenger with my overseas girlfriend...
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When a dog drags in butt along a carpeted surface. Usually when the dog has worms.
Also referred to as "the scoots"
Repeated instances of this have been known to cause canine companions to be referred to as "Scoots", "El Scootarino" or "Scoots, the poop-shoot scootin' wonder dog"
I swear to god if your stupid dog does the butt scoot one more time on our freshly cleaned carpet, your mother and I are getting a divorce!
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