Straterbation

The overused and exaggerated act of shredding on a Stratocaster, much in the vein of Jimi Hendrix and Stevie Ray Vaughn but far less tasteful. This act causes the player to appear at a much higher skill level than they actually are and may inevitably lead to a rendition of Little Wing, The Star Spangled Banner, Crossfire or Redhouse. This is not limited to only these songs and these artists; some other notable songs that are often victims of public staterbation include Yellow Ledbetter, Cliffs of Dover Pride and Joy, Superstitious and Under the Bridge. Straterbators inhabit bar bands and cover acts across the world; they are easy to spot but hard to get rid of.

Tell tale signs that someone maybe about to straterbate would be:

1. Suddenly appearing to smell something during a guitar solo (which should occur twice in every song)
2. Lighting up a cigarette moments before beginning a song
3. Laughing at an inaudible joke about the audience while looking directly at the audience

Self-gratification via Stratocaster causes an inflated sense of ego and leads to bar star syndrome. The best thing to do when being held captive by an over excited Strat-enthusiast is to just let them finish and by tomorrow no one will know who it was or even care.

"That dude with the red Strat just pulled out a black one and light up a cigarette... Looks like he is about do some straterbation"

"Can you blame him for wanting to straterbate? his band just played 3 Sheryl Crow tunes in a row!"

12👍 2👎

Fucking Poland

The realization that the small thing you were after and finally acquired caused a huge problem. A historical reference to Hitlers invasion of Poland as it put into motion the events of the last Great World War.

I stole the shit from the pharmacy and now I am doing time and getting rammed in the ass so hard my teeth are falling out. Fucking Poland!

I fucked the shit out of Maggie last night and her boyfriend broke all the windows in my moms car and now I can't borrow it anymore, and I have to pay for new windows. Fucking Poland!

12👍 7👎

Arabian Taint Punch

The act of fisting someone else’s taint, traditionally by means of restraining the unlucky victim. The action typically involves a very carefully timed series of direct connections. It is at the discretion of the aggressor to use talc or shards of glass. The talc prevents moisture from creating suction which could be unpleasant for all parties involved. Commonly abbreviated “ATP”

"Don't make me give you an Arabian taint punch!"

"Gave him the old ATP."

11👍 8👎