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Bristol Herschel Hawkstone was born in 1988 in Vancouver, WA to an Orthodox Jewish family. His father died in a car "accident" when he was 6 and he moved to Reno with his mother afterwards. He became a trapeze artist at age 16 and was married the same year. He fathered 5 children who were all mysteriously murdered. He served 6 months in supermax prison before escaping. The international civil defense agency recruited him after looking into his crime and proving his innocence.
He then became a spy for these United States, and completed every assignment as a "National man of mystery", former gigolo, and true American hero. Through the years he accrued a remarkable number of accomplishments, awards, achievements, and even jumped over a shark once.
In recent years, Bristol has become a timeless legend. A real down to earth, salt of the wound kind of patriot. All of his extracurriculars and his most recent adventure can be read about in his own book entitled; "not without my dr. Pepper." It can be purchased in digital form for $56.75 on Amazon probably.
Oh my God, did you see Bristol Hawkstone last night!? Ru-paul ruebens came and did a cameo!
An overrated, half-assed band with an overused, half-assed name. The band has existed for 32 years probably and enjoys having it's many fan, Cory, in the Portland\vancouver metro area. The band was made famous after coming up with their most original album idea yet: sex robots. A fully functional sexbot was built for a local show, but after wandering away from the venue it was found with two women, knee deep in a swamp of passion and a bucket of chicken. When they can't be found shredding the ears off the folks at the 40 et 8 BINGO hall, they can be found in someone's garage shredding the established idea of decent music.
-"Hey, have you heard that awesome band vicious cycle!?"
-"No."
1: When a woman's thighs are the same size as their buttocks.
2: cankles, but it's thighs.
The only reason I go to the gym is to stare at thick girls doing squats, the ones built like Polish Outhouses.
A pair of shaved or waxed testicles, ideally prepared for "teabagging".
see also: SlickSack
The Twink has a pair of Smoothies.
The evil, bald, mustachioed mortal enemy and estranged uncle of Bristol Hawkstone. Born Ronald Cougeral Hawkstone, he dropped his last name when he and his brother Emil created the "international department involving civilian safety" or, I-DICS in 1868. After killing his brother Emil in 1994, Ron took his daughter Samanpha and joined a traveling circus as the trapeze act they called: the flying cougeral's. After the act broke up due to a love interest, Ron kidnapped all 5 of his great nieces and nephews, and framed his first nephew, famous man of mystery and known
ladies man, Bristol Hawkstone. He lived to be 733 years old, and was finally killed by Bristol following an epic two-man super-battle that would rival the first time Goku went super Saiyan. However, after the collapse of the I-DICS building Ron got trapped underneath the wreckage. Crews combed through the debris, and the site was eventually cleared, but Ronald Cougeral was nowhere to be found.
Ron Cougeral is a dick.
1: Any small item that aesthetically compliments another.
2: A woman's breasts.
...so that chick had some huge accoutrements, huh?