death bed

What you create for yourself when you fart in a tanning bed.

Last night, after a large dinner, I went to the tanning salon and accidentally made my own death bed.

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redwagoned

Feigning shock or surprise by current events in sports and entertainment, despite the obviousness of the statement.

I am redwagoned that Brett Favre unretired.
Tiger Woods had extramarital affairs? I'm redwagoned.

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