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When you have a dream that makes you go, "Fuck, that was an awesome dream!" until all the implications of that dream actually coming true sink in and you scream in terror.
"Dude, I had the worst joymare about accidentally sending Tom Hiddleston a link to my Tumblr to his Twitter. He tweeted about it. I woke up all stoked until I remembered all the shit I posted about him on my Tumblr."
"I had a joymare that I won $10,000 on a scratch-off lottery ticket, but after I woke up, I remembered I owe my dad $9,000 and would've only gotten $1,000 at best, before taxes. I was fucking pissed!"
After a man has had gay, anal sex, his rectum is full of semen and lubricant, and he passes gas, making a sound like Donald Trump's every speech.
"Diego and I had Chiptole, then had sex and now I can't stop Trumping!"
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Loosely related to the "five finger discount".
When software, movies, music, etc. is acquired through piracy.
Captain Jack refers to Captain Jack Sparrow of the "Pirates of the Caribbean" films.
The "Jack" part of the name is also a play on the word "jack" or "to steal".
"I saw that program on TV! Doesn't it cost hundreds of dollars?!"
"Not with my Captain Jack discount!"
"There's thousands of songs on your iPhone! You must have financed Steve Job's funeral yourself by buying these on iTunes!"
"iTunes? HELL no! I got these off the internet with my Captain Jack discount."
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A riff of the term "golden shackle" meaning a wedding band, usually but not exclusively when worn by a man.
To "shackle cruise" is to search a person's ring finger to see if they are either wearing a wedding band, or have the tell-tale impression on their finger that a wedding band is supposed to be there.
Can be done by a woman or man.
"See that hot guy at the bar buying everybody drinks? He's really hot!"
"Yeah, I just shackle cruised him when I went to the bathroom. Let's put it this way, there's going to be a very pissed off wife when that credit card statement comes in."
"Wow, that guy on the weight bench over there is HOT. Wonder if he's gay?"
"I just shackle cruised him and unless he's from a very progressive state, you're out of luck on this one."
A "golden shackle" is a wedding band, usually when worn by a man (as women's bands tend to have stones where men's are most often plain metal).
Can be used no matter if a ring in question is gold or not.
Related to the phrase shackle cruising.
"Oh my God! I had the biggest crush on him in high school! Better see if he's got the golden shackle."
"You better enjoy the strippers and hoes at your bachelor party tonight, because once I put the golden shackle on you, that ass is mine!"
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