beadle

To be dealt an awful set of cards in any card-related game, so named after the deformed claw belonging to TV’s own Jeremy Beadle: i.e. a ‘crap hand’

"Fuck me lads, I fold. Been dealt a propper beadle!"
"hehe yeah. Jeremy Beadle. What a cunt"

23👍 17👎

Man-fatkins diet

A strict diet consisting solely of protein designed to quickly loose those excess pounds. This version swaps tasty steaks for clammy man juice.

"No way, Dave. I'm not sticking that in my mouth again! Now let me out, I'm starving!"

"Shut the fuck up, Posh. You know you're on a man-fatkins diet! Now swallow my load and stop being a whiny bitch"

4👍 5👎

barbarian

A certain class of gent who actually prefers the ‘bloody axe wound’ during ‘that time of the month’.

“Damn right I’m going in. I’ve been waiting to go barbarian for fucking weeks now!”

18👍 13👎

fanny like a Turkish butcher's shop window

A well-used, ill-kept monstrosity of a quim that wouldn’t look out of place on either a Picasso painting or on the side of a rugby player’s head. The resemblance to a sack of offal is accompanied by a smell that can only be described as “like Captain Birdseye’s arse”.

"Fuck me Colin, she had a fanny like a Turkish butcher's shop window! Couldn't make head nor tail of the bastard"

"Serves her right for having seven kids”

36👍 15👎