The Cape

The most important prize in the game of basketball, awarded to the player in a particular game who nets the most Cape Points. Cape points reward manly achievements such as blocked shots and offensive rebounding, and punish weak, pussy-ass, cowardly tendencies like passing and shooting three pointers.

Cape Points Formula:
PTS + 5*OFF REB + 3*DEF REB + 10*BLK - 10*3PA - 3*3PM -3*AST
Bonus points are awarded for Flagrant Fouls (+15) and Ejections (+25).

Dwight Howard typically leads the league in Cape Points.

Mike: "Yo man, did Dwight Howard keep The Cape tonight?"

Paul: "No, man. He was passing way too much and only finished with 73 Cape Points. Chris Bosh really manned up. He had a bunch of offensive rebounds and he finished with 95 Cape Points. Bosh is the new Capeholder."

Mike: "Nice, who won the game?"

Paul: "Who the fuck cares?"

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