Slench

Sideways Liquid that Drenches you.

When wind and rain combine to create a multi-directional moisture barrage that will overcome any clothing, protective or otherwise, often leading to drips running down the crack of your arse and eventually soaking your balls, or lady parts.

Fucking Hell Dave, I was going to cycle to the pub but it’s really slenchy out there!

Jesus Christ Sandra it’s slenching it down outside, even the dog doesn’t want to go out!

Good Lord Rupert you simply must give the gardener the afternoon off their’s so much slench in the air he’s just furrowing my croquet lawn!

fart or shart

When you’re not sure if the next thing to exit your anus is gas or shit but you go ahead and push it out anyway, that’s playing fart or shart.

You can also raise the odds/danger by adding Pull my Finger to the mix.

Hey Karen, why so glum? You look like you played fart or shart and lost!

Gary! Gaaaarrrryyy! We need to go home now! I played fart or shart, came second and now it’s dripping into my Uggs!

Fucking hell lads, I’m glad I’ve got my hobby catchers on, this is a high stakes game of fart or shart.

Girhalf

A term used to define the size of an object equal or approximate to the size of half of one giraffe.

Asteroid half the size of a giraffe (one girhalf) strikes Earth off the coast of Iceland - just two HOURS after it was discovered by astronomers

cat 5’d

The total and utter destruction of any object or person, by any means, but predominantly with shit, vomit or both.

Developed from the numerical scale for describing damage to aircraft. Cat (category) 1 being very minor damage, Cat 4 being written off/scrapped. So Cat 5 would be reduced to dust!

For instance if you entered a toilet that was pristinely clean, but you left it looking like the toilet from Trainspotting you’d have Cat 5’d it.

When the bride to be on a hen do necks 3 bottles of Lidl’s Prosecco before leaving the house and then heaves in the garden she Cat 5’d herself in the pre-game.

Jesus Christ Steve did you just Cat 5 trap 2 with last night’s prawn balti?

Hold on babes, I think I just Cat 5’d my thong playing fart or shart.

Did you see Chantelle last night, she Cat 5’d herself on hooch before they got to the club and ended up rubbing her minge on the high street bus stop!

Six Fingered Sister Kisser

A Six Fingered Sister Kisser is someone from an area/town/village reputed to have high incidence of incestual activities. Like the village in Deliverance.

I don’t suppose Lockdown will bother anyone in Wiltshire given that the gene pool is shallower than a municipal pool foot bath, they’re all a bunch of Six Fingered Sister Kissers

Torquay Man O’War

A discarded prophylactic sheath espied on a pavement or grassed area of a British seaside resort, so named because of its semi-inflated translucent appearance much like the famed poisonous marine invertebrates.

Careful where you step Dave there’s loads of Torquay Man O’Wars scattered on the prom first thing!

For fuck’s sake! The dog’s choking on a Torquay Man O’War again!

Giggywizzle

Small items of paper/plastic/card stuck in dishwasher spray arms and filter assemblies.

Usually it’s of label from glass jar labels or stickers from children’s plates and bowls.

TINA! The upper spray arm is blocked with Giggywizzles again!