Melody Ava Katz

Curly haired short girl. Doesn’t want me to be a circle, but she wants me to be a square. Screw that.

“Hey, do you know Melody Ava Katz?”
“Curls”

Avi Yan Kenyon

The coolest jew to ever live; he’s got some pretty neat glasses; everybody loves him 🙄

Friend- Did you see Avi Yan Kenyon yesterday?
You- Yeah. He’s so cool. His glasses make him really cool, and he’s Jewish!!! Wow. I wish I could be Avi.

Edison Hoang

He’s like from Vietnam or Laos or some shit.

I dunno. Tiny dick and big hands (for all that rice picking 😏).

Friend portrayed by Kalman
Friend 2 portrayed by Avi
Edison portrayed by Edison

Friend: What’s going on with Edison?
Friend 2: He’s having sex with a bowl of pho because he from the Congo and that’s what they do.

Friend: Are you gay for me?
Friend 2: Yeah
Friend: Follow me 😉

End of Act I
—Act II—

Friend 2: I’m sorry. I must go.

Friend: You dick. You can’t leave me as a single mother.

Friend 2: I have a future, Friend. I can’t skip collage just to take care of a baby. I was 14! I wasn’t thinking and the hormones got the best of me.

*baby crying in the distance*
Friend: You bitch. You woke up the baby!
Friend 2: Thank god I won’t have to be here any longer.

*Friend 2 slams front door as Friend breaks down crying like a little piss baby*

End of Act II
—Finale—

Edison: Hey. Long time no see.

Friend 2: How have you been?
Edison: Remember Friend?
Friend 2: Oh god. Don’t get me started 🙄

Edison: Oh well we’re getting married this upcoming month and I wanted to invite you to the weddi-
Friend 2: YOU’RE WHAT?
*Friend 2 flips table and draws a weapon. However, this is no ordinary weapon. It is an authentic 100 pound broadsword*
Edison: Friend 2, put down the broadsword. I’m sorry, I really am.

*Friend 2 runs out of the bar or wherever the fuck he was and goes onto a bridge*
Friend 2: Goodbye cruel world
*Friend 2 jumps off the bridge dramatically*

—Finé—
(That’s fancy people language for “the end”)

Definition:

P: Edison Hong Kong Edison Hoang Bong Kong