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Kleinmond Quart

Refers to the adage: "Klein mond, groot kont."

Translated as: 'Small mouth, big cunt.' Colloquial slur for the town Kleinmond in South Africa. A quart is a 750ml bottle beer.
Kleinmond quart is a torture/execution method used by gangs for snitches and people who generally blabber on too much. It is administered by beating the victim nigh senseless, propping them up with knees and elbows on the ground, restraining them for inertia; an empty quart of beer is inserted into the anus of the victim (the deeper the better or it just falls out and has to be re-inserted: it's about torture not administering pleasure after all). The victim gets their last rights upon which the quart is ceremoniously stomped with a construction boot into the rectum. Bets are placed on whether it breaks on the first kick. Depending on the severity or inebriation of the torturers: the quart might be repeatedly kicked until it breaks or is consumed completely with the rectum. There are no records of the latter ever happening. When the quart breaks, the victim is either left for dead or tortured further by twisting the glass within the rectum, or just kicking until the pig squeals cease.

It is not necessarily from the town Kleinmond, but the fact that after the method is applied: the victim's big mouth would be shut, and their artificially operated edifice would be rather gorily enlarged.

"hey man, where's Wally at today?"
"Dunno bruh, heard he had the old Kleinmond Quart yesterday at the Kangaroo Court"
"Ah, sheet, good riddance then ey?"

by ClotheslinesandChelseasmiles April 16, 2024