Cabbage

Best used to describe an individual who has just acted like a spastic or retard, in a moment of complete mental decomposition, or comedic purposes.

A moment of social ineptitude would also qualify for you to call someone a cabbage.

*Matt walks into door*

John; Matt, you fucking cabbage!

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Belieber

I came up with "Belieber Tease" - someone who claims to be intelligent, but on further investigation, is a diehard fan of the infamous Justin Bieber. Usually comes attached with various forms of "xxx" or "xoxo" in their social network usernames and IM names. Beliebers facebook posts, tweets, or IM messages also usually come laced with hideous spelling mistakes, and illegible forms of colloquialism and colloquial language.

-on twitter-

Ben - Ah, i just got a message from my new followers, IluvBiebs4evaxoxo - "iyarrr gawjuzz, u k? do u luff Biebz as much as mi? lol jkz, u cnt, i luff him bare loads, u jelly?"

Matt - Ahh, i see you've gained a Belieber follower!

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David Shattenborough

A version of the renowned and loved David Attenborough, used best to describe someone who has, or is undergoing, the process of shitting oneself, as the faecal matter currently deposited in their underwear contains various undiscovered and undocumented lifeforms, much like the one's David Attenborough discovers in his wildife documentaries.

*James shits himself violently*

Ben; Eugh gross, James just shat himself!

Matt; haha, what a David Shattenborough!

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