Constipater

- noun

Verb
• S: (v) clog, constipate (impede with a clog or as if with a clog) "The road is being clogged by these drivers"

• S: (v) constipate, bind (cause to be constipated) "These drivers have me in a bind"

Adjective
• S: (adj) constipated (have difficulty passing)

A Constipater is a driver that blocks others from passing, usually clogging the fast lane. If a Constipater prevents change of lane by clinging to your blind spot, they may also be referred to as a Dingledummy. Really, any word that has to do with fecal matter applies to traffic blockage.

Often Constipaters are unaware of their surroundings, even if multiple vehicles tailgate and/or pass at higher speeds. But sometimes Constipaters block traffic because:

1. They are people of leisure who have no deadlines or commitments, and for some unknown reason prefer rush hour
2. They are rubber necking
3. They are too lazy to move to a slower lane
4. They think they should enforce the speed limit
5. They think everything in life is a competition and they want to prove they are the winner. These drivers also will cut in front of others, in which case they are simply referred to as shit heads.

The opposite of Constipaters are Diarrhea-Drivers, who speed, tailgate, weave, and may also be a “shit head” by cutting off other drivers. A shit hemorrhage is road rage that occurs due to Constipaters.

I’m going to be late again because of a damn Constipater! This feels like giving birth to a brick – I need a traffic BM!

Urbaddictionary

Addiction to Urban Dictionary (UrbD)
1. You have a craving to create a word
2. You go into withdrawals if you can’t access the Word of the Day
3. You get high if your word has the most votes

Mickey: “Jibba jabba,” WTF is that?
Maud: It’s a word for “information that’s over your head." Yeah, I got it published – I’m Efn Golden!
Mickey: Girl, you gotta stop doing UrbD. You need an Urbaddictionary intervention!

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Buttchucker

- noun

Buttchuckers (or Buttstompers) are ranked with snot rockets, loogies, and dog owners who are derelict in their pooper scooper duties.

Buttchuckers throw their cigarettes out the window while driving because they are too lazy to clean the ashtray conveniently provided in their vehicles. Buttchuckers flick the fag worldwide making Earth a nastier place for us all (except in Singapore where such abuses are illegal, including “chewing-gum chucking”).

Antonym: Friends of Smokey Bear

Ah man, Buttchuckers have been here. I thought the beach would be sandy, but it's 50% cigarette butts!

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Town Hall

Adjective

A term to describe a person who is obnoxious, specifically crazy talking, yelling, and even violent.

Town Hall is befitting the old days when town’s people would gather in a mob with pitch forks and torches to lynch someone without due process of law. These people often lacked education and the ability to reason, so any misinformation would get them riled. Usually there was a ring leader with personal business interests behind it all, and the more the mob yelled the more worked up these people would get.

Walter: Them dang aliens are trying to abduct me! I’m gonna git my gun and shoot them!

Lebowski: Gees Walter, that’s so Town Hall. There aren't any aliens, so put the gun down and chillax.

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A Sanford Moment

Noun
• S: (n) A Sanford Moment (a momentary lapse of reason)

Sanford (A.K.A. “Lov Gov”)

adj., Sandfordly.

1. Affected or characterized by people suffering from loneliness.

2. To tear up, blubber, and stammer.

3. To result in graveling and derision.

4 Deplorable; a sad state of affair.

5. To fall off the deep end; to seek escapism often by crossing the sex line; to lust for a soul mate even if just fantasy; to jeopardize your career even though you know the price.

I was at the restaurant, all alone. No friends were there--not one! It was A Sanford Moment, totally. Yeah, it was that bad.

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Conserv-absurd

A Conserv-absurd is an argument that provides poor reasoning in support of its conclusion. Conserv-absurds differ from other bad arguments in that right-wing people find these psychologically persuasive, and therefore mistakenly believe its conclusion to be true even though it’s false.

Examples of “If P then Q” Conserv-absurds:
“If you don’t support the war, you don’t support the troops.”
“If we fight them over there, we won’t have to fight them here.”

Frequently such illogical sound bites are made into bumper stickers, and the false information will be distributed via email (to catapult the propapoop). More recently this trend has increased among social conservatives.

For example, infidelity is okay IF:
1. You don’t do it in your office. If you have extramarital sex elsewhere like an airport restroom or another country, then it’s okay, even when done at the taxpayer’s or company’s expense.
2. There is reconciliation with your spouse, no matter how much you really hate each other. Especially when there are kids, no matter how much you fight in front of them. It’s better to pretend you have "family values" than to have family well-being.
3. You ask forgiveness, though you don’t regret cheating--just getting busted. It has nothing to do with merit, but rather the appearance of repentance.
4. You do it because you’re fed up with Obama.

Antonym - constipational

There they go again trying to blame everything on the “liberal media.” But Conserv-absurds are the real reason the country is going down the toilet!

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Soylent Greeners

People who believe health care reform will include assisted suicide, or as depicted in the movie Soylent Green “voluntary euthanasia (euphemistically known as "going home") at a government clinic.” In reality the proposed bill includes the option of having a Living Will, which is a great idea and can cost $200 or more if done by a private attorney.

Gladys: "Marge, Marge, the government plans to give me a lethal injection while I watch panoramic views of an unspoiled Earth! Next thing you know we’ll all be Communists eating other Soylent Greeners!"

Marge: "Communists? Don't you mean cannibals?"

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