Michael

*his name has to pronounced in a strong Australian accent*

Todd: “hello, who is this?”
Michael: “the names Michael, I’m a lady whisperer, I also own a pet chainsaw”

16👍 4👎

Improvised german

The ability to make up fake German words on the spot and to say them in such an angry tone it sounds like a national socialist rally

Todd: *using improvised German* “GESPACHT UND GENÄSCHT, DIE WÖHTGETRUNKEN IM DAS GEMÜGE!
Steve: *compelled to salute* “HEIL”

Calypso juice

During sex, as the male prepares to ejaculate, he forces himself to piss all over the recipient along with his semen.

Jake: “Courtney just killed herself”
Todd: “why?”
Jake: “she said she wanted to mix things up a bit so I gave her a calypso juice surprise but it turns out she just wanted me to pull out instead of a condom”

2👍 1👎

James Baxter

The second coming of god. Mode of transportation: a beach ball. Often takes the form of a horse

Stacy: “thank you so much James Baxter, you always know exactly what to say to cheer me up”
James Baxter: “James baxter. Jaaames baaxteer”

Taiwanese tongue twister

During sex, one partner will scream the name of the move they’re about to do and then grab the most intricate part of the recipients body they can (e.g. ear, tongue, nose) and twist it before ejaculating into their eyelids.

Todd: “awww man! I gave Stacy a Taiwanese tongue twister yesterday and fucking wrecked her”
Steve: “Stacy died of tetanus”

The naughty sun-dance

Where a sexual partner is lifted by their nipples alone with BDSM nipple clamps while any other participants dance to upbeat Native American drumming naked apart from head dresses.

Todd: “damn bro I do not be vibing”
Michael: “why bro?”
Todd: “I tried The naughty sun-dance and my milk-makers ripped off bro”

Hungarian shake

Absolute any bodily fluids you can find in a blender with a fuck ton of brown sugar, chalk and ethanol

Todd: “Jesus Christ man! What did you put in my shake dude?!”
Hassan: “it is not what is in your shake my friend, it is what is your shake”
Todd: “what?”
Hassan: “I have prepared you a ‘shake’ from my home town called a Hungarian shakungalcka or a Hungarian shake”