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Is a move only highlighted by only the absolutely best Faux DJ's on the planet. This fancy move consists of holding both of your hands up in the air while a massive drop takes place. While your hands are in the air, the crowd is magically fooled into thinking that your amazingly, unmatched talent, has just transitioned into another track all by itself, or did it?
Jim: Dude, Martin Heretix just laid down the biggest drop I've ever heard!
Bob: Were his hands in the air?
Jim: Yeah, how'd you know? Wait a minute are you here at the Festy?
Bob: Absolutely not! To pull out the Rollin Coaster would be like DJ Qbert doing the Macarena.
Is a premature form of turret syndrome that some of the most famous DJ's develop over time. It is one of the easiest syndromes to develop and without a doubt is the
best way to spot this Faux DJ syndrome. Knob Mobbin is best used when a Faux DJ has no idea how to mix or add/subtract from the mix but wants to look like a
complete master on the mixer, and to the untrained eyes and ears, a Faux DJ may possibly seem like the most talented DJ ever.
Jim: Bro, I just saw DJ Hardenuf absolutely tear up the mixer, he looked like a surgeon operating on someone dude.
Bob: No way, was he cuttin the crossfader back and forth and beat juggling?
Jim: Yeah, I think he was dude, his hands were moving so fast and he was literally touching every knob on the mixer in a matter of seconds. He's such a good DJ dude. Mind Blown for sure bro.
Bob: Are you serious? why would he need to touch every knob on the mixer? Was the sound changing all over the place?
Jim: I don't know, kind of, but DJ Slaptone played the exact same way, and everyone knows he's got crazy talent. Right?
Bob: 100% wrong dude, many DJ's get trapped into feeling like they should be mixing when not necessary. Its tough to watch a DJ do this. It's similar to watching a horse needing to being put down because of a broken leg. i'm sorry you had to see that bro:(
Jim: Wow, how does this happen? Why does this have to happen to all the best ones!
Bob: It's a known disease that Faux DJ's develops after years of pretending to DJ. It's called Knob Mobbin. Not only is it a disease, its an externally visible character flaw, that borderlines turrets. Only cure is to learn to DJ or quit Djing cold turkey.
Some of hottest producers from around the globe use this time-honored form of deceit by taking nostalgic or classic techno hits and remixing the dog piss out of them, in an attempt to transform the original into some New Age Top 40's EDM piece of mastery, that may sound familiar, but your not quite sure as to why. Regular Legos don't work with Lego's K'Nex, so stop it!
Many famous artists have done exactly this, some of the most famous being:
Example #1: Pharell/Robin Thicke - Blurred Lines VS. Marvin Gaye - Got to Give it Up
Example #2: House of Pain - Jump Around VS. Cypress Hill - Insane in the Brain
Example #3: Pitbull - Culo - VS. Nina Sky - Move ya body
Jim: Bro this Festy is the best, your totally missing out on the action!
Bob: Really? any chicky babes showing off the twins?
Jim: Some threw bras at the end of Splewguetta's set. Cause he mixed Castles in the Sky into bangin Trap.
Bob: What?!? Jim, please do me a favor when you get home, OK?
Jim: Sure Bob anything, whats up?
Bob: Please delete my phone number and lose me as a friend.
Jim: What? What did I do?
Bob: You haven't learned a thing! You've called me 5 times in the last 6 hours. I've filled your head with common sense knowledge, and you still think your being embellished by unsurpassed super stars.
Jim: Shit, it's the drugs man, damn it, all I know is that DJ Splewguetta is about to play again and I can't wait to hear his night time set, he's a God, and I'm totally peakin right now!
Bob: Stay with me now, OK Jim. The reason Splewguetta is able to make that large of a transition, isn't because he's talented. In fact all the manipulation is done in pre-production. All the classic songs your hearing get put into a computer and edited. Dubs become Rubs then become Re-Rubs, and Remixes become Refixes, then released as a Bootleg to the world without tribute to the original artists. We call this a Re-Rubadub Refix Remix Bootleg. This is what many Faux DJ's have done to jump ahead in the Biz. Some Faux DJ's have so much money that they will pay another Faux DJ to produce tracks for them, better known as a Ghost Producer, aka the old bait and switch.
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This special kind of artistic ability stems from the all to familiar "Press Play DJ" style of DJing. With the advancement of technology and specifically with the invention of CDJ's, the fine art of staying in the groove for less than 1 Minute (Unless Playing Hip Hop, Breaks, or Scratching, etc) is easily possible with some pre-production skills and your favorite DAW. Now you too can become a Faux Limit Soldier. You don't like that intro? cut it out! You think the ending should be in
the front? PUT IT IN THE FRONT! You want to blend Sandstorm into the biggest Dubstep drop on the planet? PRE-PRO Bro! If you can cut a pizza, you can cut up the emotional integrity of any song you choose. What are you waiting for? Go ruin someones hard work today!
Jim: Hey man this EDM music is bangin bro!
Bob: Its just EDM bro.
Jim: Yeah EDM music dude, I know.
Bob: Nevermind, what amazing tale do you have for me now Jim?
Jim: I know you say all these guys are Faux DJ's, but seriously I just heard DJ Kumquat lay down 35 tracks in an hour!
Bob: F*** him, no he didn't!
Jim: Dude I swear on my life bro. Dude then like half way through his set some other DJ's came out and they hugged and danced and they all talked on the mic for bit. It was beautiful man!
Bob: This all happened in a matter of 1 hour?
Jim: Yeah it was a 1 hour set.
Bob: Ok Jim are you sitting down?
Jim: I am now, whats up? Faux DJ's again? I knew it!
Bob: Faux DJ's again Jim. What your hearing may sound good to the uninformed , but actually these Faux DJ's take as many tracks as they can and cut them down to 2 minute sections, buildup drop, buildup drop. Its like playing Breaks, but Faux DJ's have taken the human error out of the mix. Some Faux DJ's even pre-produce the transitions so it sounds like amazing things are happening. But in reality they are just limiting themselves, by removing the dynamics of what a DJ does. In the Rap game there used to be guys with No Limits. today in DJing we have the Faux Limit Soldier guys who set limits right out the gate, because having real skills is tough, and making extra sure no one hears the human error is very important into fooling an unknowing crowd.
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Is a direct reference to Faux DJ's that have a net worth of over $100k a year salary and use completely worthless headphones for the given situation.
Example #1: Using earbuds while a 2000 watt monitor is 5 feet from your head.
Example #2: Wearing on the ear, DJ "style" headphones, that are awful for DJing and are endorsed by a real gangster.
Example #3: Headphones that have zero insulation and hurt your head after prolonged use - 10 minutes or more.
Example #4: Custom sparkly glitter engineered headphones... that also light up.
Jim: Dude, DJ Harry Pits Son, has some of the sweetest headphones ever. They were diamond encrusted with glitter engineering bro, GLITTER ENGINEERING!!!
Bob: WTF? What kind of Festy you at man?
Jim: The one with all the super sweet DJ's remember?
Bob: You mean Faux DJ's?
Jim: Their not all Faux DJ's, they can't be, right? This is just a huge disappointment.
Bob: Exactly why I didn't want to go. Wearing Dullcandy's don't make you a better DJ. Being a good DJ makes you a good DJ.But don't worry Jim, they aren't all like this. Keep that head up, there is a light on the other side of the sparkly Dullcandy headphones.
A new class of DJ that is beyond the "press play dj" you all are used to. Faux DJ'ing consists of any of the following DJ No No's while on stage, but not limited to:
Social Media Moments "ie. Facebook Live" - aka Stage Basking
Big Drop with Both Hands in the Air - aka the Rollincoaster
Fake Knob Touching - aka Knob Mobbin
Using Headphones that Sound Awful and aren't Insulated - ie. Beats, Skullcandy, or any Earbuds - aka Dullcandy Headphones
Playing Classic Techno Hits Remixed into Top 40's EDM - aka Re-Rubadub Refix Remix Bootleg
Staying in a Groove for Less than 1 Minute "Unless Playing Hip Hop, Breaks, or Scratching" - aka Faux Limit Soldier
No Cueing - aka Cueless
No Beat Matching - aka Cheat Matching
Audible BPM Track Transitions - No Headphones or Hands Needed "Proof is in the Pre-production" - aka Propagation Validation
Hugging your Competition in Front of "Your" Fans - aka Busyness Practices
Magically Morphs into DJ Preacher - aka Microfaux Hero
Sandstorm by Darude is for Private Listening ONLY! "Darude would agree" - aka Blandstorm
Jim: Dude, you wanna hit up that Festy with us this weekend?
Bob: Who's all playing there?
Jim: Only some of the biggest and best DJ's ever!
Bob: Sweet! Is this a DMC Championship?
Jim: Whats a DMC Championship?
Bob: Nevermind, and NO, I'm not paying to see a bunch of Faux DJ's.